The season has shifted and Autumn is well on its way. I am certainly welcoming it. It was a long, uncomfortable summer and I am looking forward to jeans, moccasins, flannel shirts, and caramel apples.

My girl is changing. She seems so big now, repeating everything that’s said and doing so many things by herself.

But yet she is still so little. I feel guilty for having another baby. I know her life before he came along will quickly be a distant, hazy memory but I can’t help thinking about the times we could have had together if it was just the two of us. When I didn’t have to share myself. I worry I will miss something that I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t taking care of another little life.

I found this somewhere shortly after I found out I was pregnant and it is exactly how I feel, all the worries as well as all of the hope.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you? Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again. You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again. But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you. But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply. I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. – Author Unknown

The time we have as a family of three has been short but it has been amazing. I am ready for life as four.

He even has a place to sleep.

More to come…

I loved this bi-plane with the wooden propeller. If they would have been giving rides in it I totally would have gone in a heartbeat, nine months pregnant and everything.

Evelyn got to sit in the big army helicopter. She started putting on her seatbelt right away.  I especially like the motion w embroidery for Wisconsin that they had on all the seats.

By the end of the morning she had the ASL sign for helicopter down. Not an easy sign for little hands. Beyond all cuteness.

Then it was home for a nap and finally off to the pool to enjoy one last afternoon swimming before it closed.

She loves that she can sit on the bottom and her chin just touches the water.

It was actually warmer in the big pool and after a few pulls around with her daddy she was kicking and jumping of the edge into his arms. I hope after the baby comes she and I can go to lessons in the indoor pool. She loves it so.

Sunday we went out to my Aunt Janet and Uncle Mike’s house for his 60th birthday and to also celebrate the second birthday of my Cousin Chris and Jonah’s little guy, Brody. Good company and good cake.

Yesterday Aunt Gigi came back from school and she, Momma, the little girl and I headed down to Illinois for an Ikea shopping trip. I bought a bookcase, dresser, a comfortable chair, lamp, and a mini table with chairs. That’s a lot of boxes. Heavy boxes if you ask Momma and Gigi, who did all the lifting. Today I started putting together the little table and chairs. I can’t get one of the screws in the chair and I don’t have a screwdriver long enough to put together the table. So I moved on to the comfortable Poäng chair. I got it together and am happy to say I’m typing this while sitting in it.  I only pinched the palm of my hand a little. Now Scott can put together the rest.

Tomorrow I will get the nursery cleaned up then I can get it painted, hopefully by the end of the week. Then we can start moving stuff in and I can get clothes put away. I think I will feel a little more settled and ready for him if I just have a place to put his clothes and change him. I am also making progress on his quilt and hope to have it at least ready for quilting next week. Things are getting so close!

Maybe I can also find some time in there to rest, too.

I guess I’ll see. Some women’s feet never go back to their original size after progesterone and relaxin have done their dirty work. The trick is to wear supportive shoes. Not so easy in the summer. I have one pair of sandals that is more structured than the others but even these aren’t cutting it right now. My feet hurt so bad.

So I do a search for orthopedic sandals. Now I’m not opposed to some granny sandals. Some are really cute in a sort of ironic way. I think of Zooey Deschanel or Maggie Gyllenhaal. My momma had a cute pair that she wore for a long time.  I called her this morning to ask what brand they are and she said they are SAS (as seen above). I don’t think I can do SAS shoes. These are nun shoes. Maybe in a couple years when I’ve really given up. Just kidding to all you SAS wearers.

But not really.

I continue the search and find really awful shoes that I wouldn’t let my Grandmother be seen in and then I come across this article. Exactly what I’m talking about.

I’ve ordered this tan pair. I’m not sure if I’ll like the strap around my ankle but I’ll try it.

If I don’t like the strap there is also this style, which comes in a lot of colors. I love the red but I’m not really a red person (makes me think of this quote: “Why can’t you wear black shoes like the other mothers?” Ten points if you know what movie that’s from). I’d probably get navy. I might just get them anyway. Especially if I won’t have any other shoes that fit me.

Wow. I haven’t done one of these in a while. I’m up a little earlier this Monday and things are nice and quiet here, not for long I’m sure.

I’ve made a little progress on baby brother’s quilt and by that I mean I actually got the pieces cut out and arranged how I like them. Now they are organized for sewing. It is a half hexagon quilt, so not the most complicated pattern but not the simplest, either. Scott has off tonight so I’m hoping I can get some sewing done.

This quilt didn’t cut into my stash as much as I’d hoped. Probably because I bought more fabric to supplement what I already had. That’s okay, though. I’m hoping to use some of it for more projects for the little guy. And I certainly have more quilts planned.

Any book that has animals in it is a big hit around here as of late. Bonus if there is a fishy in it. You will read them at least five times in a row. She knows what most of the animals say.

Mama: “What does the rooster say?”

Evelyn: “Cock-cock-do”

Mama: “What does the horse say?”

Evelyn: “Neigh”

Mama: “What does the owl say?”

Evelyn: ” Whoo” (with her little hands in circles around her eyes)

Mama: “What does the piggy say?”

Evelyn: “Hi”

Okay, so we need to work on that one.

On Saturday my whole family went to the Milwaukee zoo. That means Papa, Momma, Blake, Gretchen, Clifton, Cassie, Kristiana, and our little family of three.

Everyone (minus Papa) rode the train. That’s Blake enjoying the ride.

We had a fun time even if it was really hot. They had misting hoses set up around the park that felt wonderful but my feet still got really swollen. I would like to go back when the weather is a little more tolerable and I’m not waddling.

After the zoo we drove downtown to see Scott’s brother, Andy, for a little bit. We don’t get to see him very much so it was nice to catch up over some good dinner. Thanks Andy. Then it was time to go home, especially because at this point only one of my shoes was on my feet.

Now for the goodbye.

Our kitty, Tibbs, has been gone for over a week. I don’t think he will be coming back.

He had been wanting to be outside more and more, to the point where all of his time inside the house would be spent begging at the door to go out.

He was also getting more daring about being by the road. I hope that he wandered away and found somewhere else to live but I know in my heart that probably isn’t the case.

It is a bittersweet thing, having him gone. He was our first cat. I miss him but I won’t miss the things that go along with a cat- the litter box, ruined furniture, torn up carpet. We can reclaim the basement.

I would be happy to see him if he came scratching back at our door but for now we’ll just say goodbye to Sgt. Tibbs.

I seriously have not done anything but I just wanted to say hi. I’m feeling the need to make some quilts so I’ve been planning them out and I’m going to practice some free motion quilting on my machine to see if I can finish them myself or if I will have to send them to a professional to be quilted. More to come on that hopefully.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned my child’s obsession with shoes. We try on at least five pairs a day. They usually don’t match or fit which leaves sad and lonely single shoes around the house while one remains on her foot. The mates are in the bathrooms, bedrooms, by the laundry closet, outside thrown off the deck into the bushes or in the driveway. This has given her the nickname One Shoe Pete. Here she is trying out baby brother’s mattress for bounciness.

A new after-bath pastime: playing the drum machine naked while daddy plays his guitar.

And here is a picture of the little one growing. Growing big. I so wish I was done being pregnant. Only a few more weeks to go.

With less than two months to go, I’m starting to get a little anxious for the little’s arrival. I don’t want to be in the same situation I was with Evelyn- cleaning up and finishing the room in between contractions. So every day I try to do a little project. Okay, so maybe I have a compulsion to do these things. Slowly I’m making progress.  I got the office cleaned up and I hope to work on the little guy’s room soon.  I’m getting my ideas together, as well as actual objects. Momma so kindly ordered a crib the other day and it should be here soon. I have some prints I’m going to order from etsy and I need to go pick out paint. A trip to Ikea will also be in order. I found that stack of hats and stripey blanket at the thrift store and my cousin, Clarissa, gave me those shoes along with some cute socks. We’ve also managed to find him some clothes but I don’t want to get too many things before I know how big he is. Soon enough we’ll know.

Otherwise this is how we have been spending our very hot days- naked in the pool eating ice cream cones.

All of us.

Our neighbors are moving.

So I’m hoping to do a little bit of light cleaning today and then a major shakedown tomorrow. We have an ‘office’ upstairs that is really the dumping ground for everything extra- paperwork, gift bags and paper, stationary, clothes and shoes that are out of season, decorations, blah, blah, blah- and there is no door to the room so you see it every time you’re in the hallway. I can’t just keep it out of sight. Major source of daily aggravation. I would really like to keep things streamlined in there and probably should get some sort of filing system for the office-y stuff. I want to get rid of the unused desk and use the room as a play area. A little indoor playhouse, actually.  I want to build a play kitchen and make a cushion for the seat beneath the skylight- a perfect place for reading and dreaming.

But I’m getting ahead of myself because after I clean the office I’m moving on to the baby’s room. I don’t have a hall closet, besides the laundry closet, to keep things like linens in so my comforters and quilts have been in the closet in the spare room. Well, we found mold growing in that closet (which has been removed) and all of the blankets and such are piled up in the room along with my photography stuff. I need to clean the space and find a new home for everything so I can have the builder come take a look and get it fixed. Then we can start getting things ready for the baby, fun stuff like sewing and knitting!

That’s the plan but I know things change. Scott has off this weekend so hopefully he can distract my littlest helper and I can make some progress. Trying to keep the motivation level high.

P.S. If you happen to be riding in the MDA Freedom Ride on Saturday you will be going past our house just before the end at the VFW park and we will be sitting in the driveway waving. Not sure how many bikers read my blog, though, but have a safe, fun ride anyway!